I Want to "Fix" Things

Bad news is bad anytime you receive it....but since I haven't been feeling good it just seems overwhelming.  Especially since I am a fixer.  I want to "help" or "fix" the problem.

But how do you "fix" someones marriage?  How do you "fix" someones body when they are in stage 4 cancer?  How do you "fix" your child who just days ago was excitedly telling us about her pregnancy and now thinks she is miscarrying?  How do you "fix" a loved one who is losing the use of their legs?  How do you "fix" a friend who is carrying a huge weight of grief for her son and sick daughter-in-law?

I feel very overwhelmed right now with all the "fixing" that needs to be done.  I know it's not my job to "fix" the problems and I understand that but it doesn't make it any easier.  All I want to do is cry for them all.  Because I don't feel good these feelings weigh heavier on my heart.  I know the Lord says to lay our burdens at His feet...but how do you do that when they aren't your burdens.  I'm not carrying these burdens...my friends are...

Yes, I offer a listening ear.  Yes, I pray.  But right now I wish I could do more....I wish I could "fix" their hurts and pain and sadness.  I wish I could wave a big magic wand and make all the bad disappear.

Twenty One Years and Counting

This weekend is something I look forward to all year.  The hubby and I are going away for two nights. Yes....two nights...alone...together!!!  Celebrating another year of being married!

Spending an evening together, minus children, has been something we've tried to do for our anniversary from the get go.  When my parents lived in town it was nice because they'd offer to watch the kids.  Sometimes when our finances were tight my parent's would let us stay at their place and they'd stay at ours.  And even after my parents moved there were friends who were willing to trade favors.

One year we went to Ft. Worth and explored.  There were many years we attended a Whole Hearted Mother's Conference.  I'd attend the conference on Fri and Sat. while Chris had some free time.  We'd get together Sat. evening and stay an additional evening at the hotel and enjoy a lazy Sunday.  A few times the kids would go to friend's houses and we'd have our house to ourselves.  It really doesn't matter what we do or where we go as long as we do something together and without children.  It's important to reconnect and focus on each other without any distractions.

Last year Chris and I stayed at a hotel near downtown Dallas.  The hotel use to be an apartment complex before it was renovated.  The rooms have fireplaces and kitchens so it gives it a homey feel.  We enjoyed ourselves so much we decided to stay there again this year.  I am looking forward to these few days of uninterrupted time with my husband.  There is no one else I'd rather spend time with.

Happy Anniversary Chris! 

A Humbling Experience

So last weekend my family started getting ill and while there was no formal diagnosis the symptoms and the fact that everyone eventually got sick points suspiciously to the flu....coughing, sneezing, stopped up noses, headache, fever, and fatigue.   Usually I am the first one sick but it worked out good that I didn't start getting sick till most of the family started feeling better. [except for Hannah who tricked me and after a day of getting better actually got worse, but I already wrote about that in another post]

I admit that attending a photography class all day on Sunday wasn't the wisest thing to do.  But I had already paid for the class and figured I would be feeling better.  Of course with all the medicine and excitement I did feel better but that only lasted till I went to bed.  When I awoke on Monday I knew I would be paying for my day out on Sunday.  I could barely move.  I had enough energy to roll out of bed and onto the couch.  The boys and I did do some school and other than reading  about the only time I moved was to use the bathroom or take a bath.  Thankfully I did not have to worry too much about dinner since it was Hannah's night to help and I knew she was capable of making dinner by herself.

What I don't understand is... as miserable as I was....not one time did anyone in my family ask if they could get me anything....a drink....some food....a pillow...a blanket....nothing!!!   [As if it wasn't bad enough that my own body was punishing me for Sunday, now it felt like my family was too] 


Today I felt a little better and tonight when I started on dinner I was blessed by Mikayla when she asked if she could help me because she knew I wasn't feeling very good. [and she wasn't even scheduled to cook]   After she asked I  wanted to cry cause I felt so relieved that  someone cared.  It gave me a boost of energy and with her help dinner didn't feel so overwhelming.

Over all I am saddened and humbled by what I experienced these last two days.  When I needed help the most I received it the least.  It's very humbling!!   It's exposed a "red flag" in that we as a family need to learn how to serve one another.  We are good at helping when asked but we should also be good at helping and serving without being asked.  I know one of the best ways of teaching is by example...I need to be a better example.

Thank You Automatic But It's Time to Move On

Today was magical for me.  You may not understand my excitement...unless you too want to take pictures in a mode other than automatic.  Today I finally learned how to take pictures in manual mode.  Whoo---hoo!!!!!!

Up until now I have only been able to take pictures in automatic.  For some that's good enough....but not for me.  I have always wanted to know how to work all those other settings and I've even tried to teach myself.  And I'd end up frustrated because anytime I tried taking a picture in manual mode I always ended up with a black screen.  But no more.....

A few weeks ago I received a Groupon in my email for a photography class called Capturing True Emotion by Val Westover teaching the basic elements of photography.  This was something I  would not normally have been able to afford but Groupon made it very reasonable.  And now that I took the class I can say it was well worth every penny.  Val is a phenomenal photographer as is his assistant Stephanie Adriana.  I could tell by the pictures he was taking using other people's cameras that he is a "magician" with the camera.  Just check out his website and be blown away at his work...I know I was.

So  I am posting a few of the pictures I took today.  I cropped a few in photo shop but didn't need to do anything else...how refreshing...

Yep....a whole new world has opened up to me.

Able To Sleep Easier

We have been sick all week.  All of us!!  All 7 of us!!  This has got to be high on the list of the negative aspects of a larger than normal family.  If it was only one or two of us getting sick, no biggy...the others are great about chipping in and helping out.  But when it's all of us....and it's one of those illnesses where you feel horrible and don't want to move....it's just pathetic.  Then it becomes..."whoever feels the best needs to go put in the movie" but no one feels good enough to do it.

It started with the older three.... but it wasn't long before dad was feeling puny and then I, mom,  finally succumbed.  Now one good thing is that we weren't all at our worse at the same time.  So when the older three were at their yuckiest I still had energy to do things like cook dinner.  But by the middle of this week I too was feeling puny... thankfully by now some of the others were feeling better...so we didn't starve.  Now the house could use a good cleaning but I know that will happen once we are all feeling better.

Today my 15 year old, Hannah, was having a set back.  Where her brother and sister are feeling much better she was having issues.  One of them being she could not breathe in deep enough to take her inhaler.  Not only is that scary but dangerous when one has issues with asthma.  I knew she needed a breathing treatment but we were all out of the medicine so a dr.'s visit was in order.

What is it with my family and needing to see a dr. on the weekend.  :-)  It should come to no surprise that our regular dr. wasn't in the office nor were there any openings with the other numerous dr.'s.  So we ended up going to the emergency room.  Thought about Care Now but really felt like I was to go to the hospital.

She and I made a pathetic sight.  She is miserable and having trouble breathing and I am miserable and coughing.  I was a pillow for her in the waiting room  Was I glad when we finally made it to a room.  I love helping my daughter out and glad I could offer her my shoulder to lean on....but I too am sick and one of my symptoms is an achy body.  So even the slight pressure of a head on your shoulder can be painful.

And sure enough she was given a breathing treatment....along with steroids for her lungs and an i.v. for fluids. Her x-rays came back showing she was in the early stages of pneumonia, called walking pneumonia, and was given the beginning round of antibiotics.  And because they thought her cough kept her up at night [which it doesn't] they gave her a prescription cough medicine.  I was happy about that because my coughing keeps me up at night.

I still am running a fever and feeling pretty awful...but I'm glad I was well enough to take her to the hospital.  I can sleep easier tonight knowing that Hannah is breathing easier.  I'll also sleep easier cause I'm going to share some of that cough medicine.

A Place of Re-evaluation

The church I had been attending the last three years officially dissolved the beginning of December this past year.  This is something new for me.  I've heard of this happening to churches but had never been a part of it personally, until now.

There is so much I want to say, yet I find it difficult to put into words.  It feels so weird to have been part of something and now nothing. I have very mixed feelings about a lot of what happened.  It's kind of ironic  we had the word faith as part of our name yet faith was not something that was practiced.

This event has really put me in a place of re-evaluation.  What I am coming away with is the importance of having the kind of relationship with one another that we can be open and honest and confess our sins to one another.  And how dangerous it is when that is not happening....especially among the leadership.  Rather it's been more like we have to keep up this front that we're blessed and everything is great when in reality it is anything but.

Like when those in leadership don't tell you the struggles they are in until it gets to a place where they stand before the congregation and announce that starting right now they are on sabbatical...and they've made no provisions for their flock.  Or when the rent is due and we don't have enough to pay it but the only one who knows this is the pastor and he doesn't tell anyone until we get locked out.

I know there are some who don't want to hear the weakness or struggles of those in leadership. And I also know that there are those in leadership that don't believe they should share their struggles with the congregation.  What a warped view.  The Bible says in James 5:16....  "Confess faults to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous one avails much."

If we want healthy churches we need to be in such a relationship with one another that we can confess our faults to one another. I truly believe that had our church practiced this from the leadership on down....we would not have dissolved.

My Trust Is In The Lord!

My hubby and I will be celebrating our 21st wedding anniversary in a few weeks.  We met in church and we've been attending church ever since.  However, for the first time in our marriage we are without a church home.

This is an interesting time in our lives because while I know the importance of  belonging to a church, I don't have a big desire to try to find one quickly.  There is a part of me that feels a bit jaded by the whole church experience.  It's not that I'm turned off being around others who are following after Christ but rather I am tired of the church experience.

My last two experiences with church and church leadership has brought out some areas in me that if I am not careful could lead to bitterness and swearing off church forever.  On the whole I tend to be a very trusting individual but when that trust is breached it brings me to a place where I have to make a choice.  It would be very easy to become bitter, however that is not what Jesus wants.  And my desire is to please Him.

The Bible says in Matthew.....  "If you forgive others the wrongs they have done to you, your Father in heaven will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive the wrongs you have done."

Walking in forgiveness is not easy.  I may say I forgive that person or persons yet when I think about them and still feel resentful or angry or whatever negative feeling comes along, then I know I have not truly embraced forgiveness.  So, I seek the Lord to help me get total forgiveness so that there is nothing in me that will cause anything but love towards that person or persons to surface.

It 's a dying to what is natural.  My natural thoughts are that I want these people to receive what they deserve.  Yet just the other day in James I come across this Scripture..."For God will not show mercy when he judges the person who has not been merciful; but mercy triumphs over judgment."

I want God's mercy therefore I too need to be merciful.  Mercy triumphs over judgment.  That is such a beautiful verse.  One I have been pondering on lately and one I will need to blog on more later.

Onward we go.  I dislike "shopping" for a church but I  know it's important to be in community with other believers.  So I will cling to one of my favorite verses...."Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding.  Acknowledge Him in all you do and He will direct your steps."

My Trust is in the Lord!!!

First Snowfall of 2011

I've lived in Texas for over 25 years and getting snow is usually a rarity.  But these last few years have been unusual...or maybe it's the new usual.   This past Sunday we went to church at 11am in the rain...an hour later we walked out to 3-4 inches of snow.  It was beautiful!!

I'm not sure what is happening with the weather though.  A friend who has lived in Pennsylvania most of her life [she's in her 60's] was commenting how their winters are getting milder.  Interesting!!!

And while snow is fun...for a day or two....I still prefer the warmer winters.  I'm not sure I like the thought of our winters getting more wintery...I like the mildness....Of being able to go out in a sweater for most days....Of having a few days where is bitterly cold and I can be doubly thankful for a warm place to live.  Guess we'll just have to wait and see.

But getting snow is still a novelty and one that still demands a break in school...or a not as heavy of a day.  It's kind of hard to not do school because of snow when you school at home.  So, we took the morning off and the kids had fun playing in the snow.

 Isn't he cute?  The formation of the little snowman....poor thing never did get any arms...but he's still cute.

The hubby is like a kid at Christmas when it snows.  I tried to get a picture when we was driving the mower around the yard but I wasn't fast enough.  Why did he do this you ask?.....because he could...:-)

Notice the footwear.  Bestman has humongous feet and he's only 13....the shoes he is currently in are a size 14 and he's worn these for the last two years....anyways...he puts plastic shopping bags over his shoes to keep them from getting soaked.  Pretty creative way to recycle!!

Here is the youngest making snowballs.  I love that he wanted to get an orange coat....it makes him so much easier to spot.

 

Love the contrast of the snow on the limbs...

The way the snow wraps around this pole is very intriguing to me....

This kitty must have known we were in for a colder than usual winter....look at the fur on it....it's a little puffball of fur...hopefully it's keeping her/him warm in this stuff... 

Hannah worked hard on this snowman...and he's got arms...